Do You Struggle with being confident? 4 Solutions Revealed In This Post!

I’ve heard this a lot…

I ‘struggle’ with feeling confident,
with liking myself, with being good enough, etc….

 

I’m a Hypnotherapist,
So that’s WHY I hear it so much,
and people WANT to change that nagging self doubt…

 

It actually pains me when I hear it too much,
…and it’s not that I don’t personally FEEL any of those things,
from time to time, though it’s possible that I feel it a lot less so than most
because I have been training my brain for awhile now.

And…

Because I know that we are all SOOooo much more…
So Much More…
than these bodies, these personalities,
these small things we often sweat in life,
and yet, we are human and we do…
…so I’m going to share some of what I have learned,
personally and professionally.

And let me add that while I’m not here
to promote ‘sexy’ necessarily…
there is something very undeniably sexy
about confidence in women
(or men!)

 

I’m sure you share in that human condition …
that tricky little trait of having to shore up your own self confidence,
so you can get to it and at it…!

 I’m going to reveal to you how to overcome
a few of those self imposed limitations,
so you can modify your behavior
and THINKING and feel confident very quickly…

1. STOP comparing yourself to others!

I’ll elaborate by telling you 2 quick stories.

I was at the gym one day, this was a few year ago…
I was so blown away by it,
probably BECAUSE it wasn’t the first time I’d heard something similar ….

 

…but here it is (& I’ll give you the punchline, too : )


a woman I never even noticed walked up to me …
and said, ‘when you first started here I didn’t like you
and I didn’t WANT to like you either.’


hmmm interesting…& I was about to say that ‘hmmm’ out loud,
(and good thing I’m physically incapable of lifting one eyebrow) …
because that was one heck of an opening statement, yes?


…she interrupted my thoughts and continued, ‘yeah, you know…
you’re tall, blonde, pretty and all the men here immediately
wanted to chat with you, 
and you smiled and flirted and humored them.’

(not true, I just enjoy speaking with all people,
but okay men are included in ‘all people’ and if that’s flirty,
well, then I’m a flirt, sue me.)

 

…anddd she went on…
it was clearly a very busy mouth day…


‘and you’d make small talk with the trainers …
while they were with clients and I thought that rude as well.’

 

– I just stood there,
I wasn’t feeling any need to defend or expand on things…yet…

 

Then, she said this…
(and I wanted to hug her, oh ok, I did – after she finished),

 

‘then I noticed that everyone always walked away from you smiling,
and I really wanted to know why, and I’ll admit it made me more envious,
so I asked a trainer, and she said that you always have something
sunny or funny, to say’

 

I smiled and told her I appreciated her honesty.
…then I hugged her for pre-judging me, haha
I already knew she’d been measuring herself
based on these revealed reflections.

 

…and then I laughed and told her I wanted her hair,
it was true, she had gorgeous thick dark hair and …
frankly, if she wasn’t going to fully appreciate it,
and whatever else is uniquely hers,
well then …
she’d be spending her life wishing for what someone else has,
instead of loving what she’s got.

So, stop comparing yourself with others … Capice?

and now that other story, it’s my ‘wow, so envious’ story,
and how I shifted it 10 seconds later…

 

I was on Facebook and I saw a picture of a woman on a hot motorcycle,
taking a curve, confidently holding that machine with lots of horsepower …
holding that line with steely focus and determination…
wearing riding leathers and those take-no-prisoners boots,
and part of me wanted to be ‘all that’ – lol

 

…then I remembered,
I had a motorcycle back when, but riding in LA never did it for me,
there were too many aggressive drivers and it made me feel free…
and completely freaked out at the same time, it was such a torment!

 

…so I decided that unless I could transport myself to where I grew up,
to ride freely in the curvy, windy, very green backroads of Connecticut,
where you could ride for hours…
(and I did on the back of a boyfriends Harley) …
without seeing many people or cars, I just wasn’t interested…

 it just wasn’t my thing – city riding,
and suddenly my 10 seconds of envy for that ‘bad ass riding’ chicks life…
passed.

 and I was simply nostalgic …
for both my short lived riding,
(and the thought that maybe I could’ve overcome…
my aversion to landing on pavement?)…
and for the greenery of CT…
so maybe I’ll be a total badass and get myself a pink Vespa, lol.

 

…AND that’s when I commented on HER photo, ‘you’re a badass’
and I totally meant it.

 No Comparison…Only awe and admiration.

 

2. Develop a Sense of Humor!

The ability to laugh, especially at yourself and the things you’ve done,
or are about to do, is believe it or not, a huge confidence builder/booster ..
and that’s not to mention the great laughs you get to experience,
and SHARE.

 

Trust me, I have been doing hilariously dumb stunts for eons,
some of which I’ve had to learn serious life lessons from,
but that never stops my long time girlfriends and I
from having a ‘wtf were you thinking’ giggle session …

Up to and including the dissection of the actual moments themselves,
yup, a blow by blow filled with wtf were you doing yuks…
and back in my way younger days…
let’s just say I was a risk taker,
so there’s always fuel for the laugh fire
and I don’t mind being laughed with, ever!
 

Life IS Short, so I’m going to just ask you to…
please not bog yourself down with seriousness over things past…
that you can look at now
(and rewrite that ‘Life’ script),
AND make it funny, if you like,
because everyone likes a good laugh.

You got the life lesson here, so let’s carry on in the best possible way …

 

 3. Be Healthy and Fit

…when you eat foods that nourish your body (and brain, Omega 3’s!),
you will definitely THINK more positively,
your mind can’t help it, IF your body FEELS good …
it will join the party, too.

Make sure you’re working your body, too.

Exercise in a way that FEELS good to YOU.

 

4. Give Your Attention to Where You WANT Your Energy To GO

Focusing on the past, even making references to the past
in an effort to to say, ‘hey I’ve been there’
has to be carefully approached otherwise the energy of the parties involved…
is focused on the commonality of the past,
and not on where you want to go in your now and in the future!

 

It’s going to sound like grandma’s
‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it’ …
only this is wayyy better…

If you don’t have a positive reframe, or even better,
a humorous anecdote about your past experiences …
MAKE ONE UP.

Retell that story in a way that creates a BRIGHT future.

 

… talking about that past ‘struggle’
and retelling the story in detail keeps it present …

while ‘reframing’ it allows you
to incorporate the important parts of the ‘struggle’ …
into who you are now AND in a meaningful and useful way that serves you.

 

Now … Why is a funny anecdote better,
because it takes the focus clearly off the past …
and allows you to create that bridge to lesson learned,
WHILE smiling, and smiling and FEELING GOOD is our primary job here.

 

**Don’t know how to tap into your funny bone
so you can live it rather than ruminate it?

Then, we need to have a private conversation and I’m not being funny.

I mean it, contact me HERE

I can help you reframe quickly and effectively for YOU,
IF you really truly want it.

 

I could list a few more things, but I’ll let you digest these first,
and listen, this is not to say …
that we all won’t still have a moment of self doubt ever,
I just know that when we start seriously start appreciating,
what we have deep within …
and really tap into it,
there’s not many reasons left to doubt why we’re here or what we’re doing,
there’s something much bigger at play,
you feeling not confident only makes it elude you longer.

 

Should I just tell you, oh why not, we are here to…
drum roll please…
BE, DO and SERVE OTHERS.

 

Believe me,
I wasn’t always aware of how to tap into all this that quickly….
I didn’t always know when to step away …
and assess what the bigger picture might be …
but I do know now that when I get out of my own way…
by using the above 4 steps along with a few others…

GREAT things happen!

 

Do YOU ever feel like you are in your own way? 

Can you share in the comments area below how that feels,
so we can all learn your experience…?

 

& thank you,
I totally appreciate you coming by for a blog post read here today.

 

Cheers, till next time!

Zen

P.S. You want to feel good in a flash?

Oh, lookee there …
looks like I’m giving away part of the next series…
of confidence boosters…

Here it is: say or do something for someone else,
it’s a total side benefit to YOU
when they feel your genuine warmth, 
generosity of spirit
or you walk away knowing that they like themselves a teensy bit more…
because of your compliment or lend a hand moment,
you reap benefits as well!

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Showing 8 comments
  • Kristin Procanick
    Reply

    Brilliant. Just love this post. These three things you mention are spot on and you explain them so well. Love the stories you share and the lessons we can all learn from them. Thank you!!

    • Zen Devin
      Reply

      Thanks Kristin, appreciate you’re reading and commenting all the time! XO, Zen

  • Naomi Hamlin
    Reply

    Loved your post! I felt like I was going through therapy myself…….great reminders to live for the now while working on your future. There was so much value I gained. One thing I will take from this is I need to loosen up and laugh a lot more – I mean hard out laughing! Thank you Zen:)

    • Zen Devin
      Reply

      yes, laughing is awesome life medicine that goes under-rated, people may think you’re frivolous or take everything to lightly but the alternative is to feel heavy, dark and serious and none of that FEELS GOOD, when you feel good, you get more done and more time to spare, period. Stay tuned for my natural version of the movie Limitless’s NZT48 for pure focus! Xo, Zen

  • Erica Udeanu
    Reply

    I love your work Zen … you write like you talk and it’s just brilliant! It’s like a monologue from your thoughts to the spoken word. Just brilliant. And great topic too … confidence … it’s a big one and you nailed it in the first section … don’t compare yourself to others. That’s such a recipe for disaster. You are unique and beautiful just as God created you. All we can ever strive to be is a better version of ourselves today than we were yesterday.

    • Zen Devin
      Reply

      exactly right, Ms E! Just be a better version of yourself everyday…it’s a beautiful journey…Xo, Zen

  • Ann Batten
    Reply

    Great advice Zen. Love the way you write. Took me years to feel confident. Back in the dim dark ages it was ….children should be seen and not heard!!!! Lol…..havn’t we come a long way!

    • Zen Devin
      Reply

      oh yes, I remember my father saying that and I thought, well what did you have me for if you didn’t want to talk to me and know me? I think I may have said it out loud also, wasn’t met with much enthusiasm although the idea of doing that took him by surprise, (what? Listen to your children? Why? lol), it’s not much of a confidence builder to be told your voice is not necessary. thanks for commenting, Ann

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